"difficult to find the inspiration to write such a book," This is a very insightful point for you to recognize, so good you acknowledge it. Sometimes your inspiration is coming from a place that you're not even sure of. One of my self published novels that has so much promise (if I go back and fix what I now understand is problematic) was purchased and reviewed by a reader that helped me tremendously. I had taken a topic that I was intrigued about covering, but with no real inspiration or understanding of how to make it authentic. So for the sake of authenticity, I injected and expanded on my own painful memories from the past, subconsciously convoluting the story, plus causing it to read like a memoir in some places. Knowing your inspiration is essential, but clearly you have the capabilities to write and complete a novel. With all your attempts, collectively, you've already written MORE than half a book. Good luck and keep at it Ralph :-)