"I felt the knot in my stomach tighten." Oh that damn knot I remember so well! And it's remarkable how it always shows up on cue. It senses the danger even before our brains do. I know your pain in every single way, and I too remember the first time I blocked a blow, only there was no staying after that. I had to run, just as I did; which ultimately resulted in foster care AGAIN, but of course that was not the end. So yes my dear Deb. Write and write, until you can't write anymore. Heal yourself, while your words continue to heal others who have experienced something similar, or worse; not to mention those poor unfortuante souls still dealing with the abuse, and not just the leftover trauma. Thank you again for sharing your intimate experiences. God bless :-)