I'm so sorry to hear about the suffering you've been experiencing Joel. It's hard enough losing someone at all, but relatively young and without warning is even harder. My foster sister also died of the same thing, and no one saw it coming. You're in my prayers, as I'm sure you are in the thoughts and prayers of many others in the community. Don't be afraid to allow your self to feel how you feel, because everyone grieves differently, and don't hesitate to accept the help that those around you are willing to give. Hang in their buddy :-)