"You may not realize that you are the one who holds the power, but he does." This is the most powerful statement you made out of everything you wrote Matilda, and you said some powerful sh*t! But once you TRULY recognize that you have the power, you can break free. My ex abuser used to make me think there was no place in the world I could hide from him, regardless of the fact that he had little means to do half the things he threatened, nor would he had actually made the effort. His power only lasted as long as I was a convenient "whipping boy" and believed I had no options. You and anyone like you are in my prayers, and my prayer is that you recognize your strength and take possession of your power.